Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Facing My Fears

It seems that everywhere I turn lately, 
God is reminding me that I must stand up and face my fears. 
It was part of my morning devotion one day last week, 
and it was the focus of Sunday morning's message at church.

What do I have to fear, you ask?

Well, there are all of the normal things that lots of others fear, like roller coasters and mice, 
and I don't care too much for Atlanta traffic, either,
but there is one big thing in my life that scares me the most-


Now, before you think I am crazy, no I do not have a fear of babies themselves. 
In fact, I think babies are wonderful. 
Honestly, I can't believe that my little man is no longer
a baby, and I certainly adore 
holding other people's babies. 
They are so cuddly and adorable.
I still get very excited when I find out
that someone I am close to is having a baby. 
Babies are a gift from God. I know that as a fact. 
His Word not only tells us that,
but it is evident to anyone who has the blessing of being around
one or raising one. 

So, what scares me about babies, you ask? 

It scares me that Chandler might be the only baby I ever have.
Yes, I am very thankful to have him in my life.
He is a precious gift from God, 
and I enjoy being with him. 
It's a blessing to be his mama,
but it honestly scares me that he might be an only child.

It's not that I have anything against only children,
I know several- both children and adults, 
and most of them have turned out fine.

It's not that I am not thankful for the little one I have,
because I truly am. 
It's not that I won't be okay if I don't have another child, 
because I know I will be.
Life will go on, 
and God will continue to bless me
if I allow Him to.
I am very happy with the family God has given me. 
It's just that it breaks my heart
that it may have to be this way,
and that is not what I wanted.

It's not how my "ever after" was supposed to be.

If there is one thing that having multiple miscarriages
has taught me, 
it's that my plans are only that- plans.
God is the one who is ultimately in control,
and more and more each day I must learn to lean on Him.
His will and way is perfect, and mine is not.

I must remember to praise Him no matter
what His plans are for me and my family,
even if that means that my family is already complete.




1 comment:

  1. love this post salena... your honesty is so refreshing. sometimes it is so hard to believe that His plan is best... praying for you and brent as you continue the journey.