Tuesday, November 26, 2013

It Hits Unexpectedly

First of all, I am in no way comparing my grief to the grief of those who have lost a child that they held in their arms. Although I think we can relate to each other in some way, it really is two different kinds of grief.

Having had 8 miscarriages, I have learned that grief can sometimes overcome a person at some of the most unexpected times, like in the middle of Target when you are Christmas shopping, or when a certain song comes on the radio, or at a nice restaurant on date night, or when your three year old is crying with a tummy ache and you feel helpless at making him feel better, or standing in the rain at the gas pump, or even lying in bed next to your husband, who is grieving in his own way (and others often forget).

It's a feeling that runs deep in your bones. It become part of who you are. Yes, things get better over time, but you never forget the one who left you. You never stop thinking about what could have been- what was supposed to be.

Others make pregnancy and birth announcements, and while you have joy for those families, your heart breaks once again as the memories come flooding back like a raging river. The grief never completely leaves, and it's hard, but I have also learned that God takes care of His own. Although we sometimes feel alone, He never leaves us, even when we don't know how to pray. 

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Thank You

"Thank You" just doesn't seem to be enough.
Those two little words seem so little compared to all the prayers that have gone 
up for us, the sweet cards and notes that were sent, 
the food that was prepared, and the hugs that were given
in our time of grief...again.

If I tried to list everyone who has encouraged us in the last week,
and even in the last couple of years,
I would surely leave someone's name off, 
but please know that your kindness has not gone unnoticed.
We appreciate everything.
The prayers are felt, 
and we ask that you continue them.
Sometimes, it's hard for me to pray, 
so your prayers are what help me make it through. 
Tonight, a good friend asked me how I was doing,
and I told her I was doing okay, that I am tough.
She sweetly reminded me that I don't have to be tough all the time.

I guess I forget that sometimes, 
but I have learned that God truly doesn't give us more in this life
than we can handle.
Sometimes I think he has just a little more faith in me
than I have in myself.