Tuesday, November 26, 2013

It Hits Unexpectedly

First of all, I am in no way comparing my grief to the grief of those who have lost a child that they held in their arms. Although I think we can relate to each other in some way, it really is two different kinds of grief.

Having had 8 miscarriages, I have learned that grief can sometimes overcome a person at some of the most unexpected times, like in the middle of Target when you are Christmas shopping, or when a certain song comes on the radio, or at a nice restaurant on date night, or when your three year old is crying with a tummy ache and you feel helpless at making him feel better, or standing in the rain at the gas pump, or even lying in bed next to your husband, who is grieving in his own way (and others often forget).

It's a feeling that runs deep in your bones. It become part of who you are. Yes, things get better over time, but you never forget the one who left you. You never stop thinking about what could have been- what was supposed to be.

Others make pregnancy and birth announcements, and while you have joy for those families, your heart breaks once again as the memories come flooding back like a raging river. The grief never completely leaves, and it's hard, but I have also learned that God takes care of His own. Although we sometimes feel alone, He never leaves us, even when we don't know how to pray. 


  1. <3 We are praying diligently for you and your family. Our hearts break with yours and are prayers of peace are constantly lifted.

  2. Amen. Grief is lifelong and when you lose a child it changes you, you lose part of your future. The pain often hits you at the worst times. I always feel it worse at the holidays. In fact I get really bad anxiety attacks all through the months of October, November, and December. But God is with us, and as Shane reminds me our babies wouldn't want to see us cry. We will see them someday. Those that have gone before us are rocking them in their arms till we get there. I forgot how to pray for a while there too. Stay strong, and when you can't let it out. I'll be praying for you.