Losing A Part of Myself, Part 2 (re: Miscarriages)

A lot of things have happened since I last blogged about my miscarriages. Unfortunately, I endured another one in February, just four days before Chandler's 2nd birthday. It's one of those things that can easily bring a person and even a couple down if you let it, but even in our sorrow, we hung on to the belief that God has a reason for all of this. Having one miscarriage is very common, and even having two is fairly common, but four? Like my doctor said, with sorrow in his voice and eyes, four is way too many miscarriages for anyone to have to go though. So, that's why Brent and I decided to pursue genetic testing. My doctor warned us that we may still not have any answers, because so few people in our situation do.

Then, on Valentine's Day, the day before my birthday, I got a phone call from my doctor. In the message, he said the tests definitely turned up some issues that he wanted to talk to me about. I was afraid to call him back because I had no idea what this meant. Naturally, many thoughts began swimming around in my head. What if there was something horrendously wrong with me? What if Brent or I had passed some awful genetic disorder to Chandler?

Finally, I worked up the nerve to call him back. His voice was calm and reassuring as he talked to me. He told me that Brent's tests all came back normal, but that mine showed a genetic abnormality called balanced Robertsonian translocation. With a shaking hand, I wrote this down on the notepad beside my bed. My first question was how this was going to affect me, and my second question was how this was going to affect Chandler. He told me not to worry, that this abnormality will never affect either of us except when I am trying to conceive a child. Most likely, Chandler doesn't even have this abnormality, and even if he does, there is only a slight chance that he and his future wife will have the same problems I have had with carrying babies to term.

He encouraged me to talk to others and do some research of my own to help me understand more about this genetic abnormality, and then he told me he would like for us to visit a genetic counselor as a couple so we could get more specific information so we could make informed decisions about what steps to take next. Surprisingly, I got another phone call just two days later from a perinatal genetic couselor at Northside Hospital's Women's Center with an appointment for Monday, February 20. This happened to be President's Day, and both Brent and I were off work. Now, is that a God thing, or what?

Before we went for the appointment, Brent and I agreed that if the counselor advised us not to have anymore children, then we weren't even going to try. There is no way that either of us would knowingly put a child in danger.

When the counselor came to get us in the waiting room, she was very friendly and welcoming. She made us feel comfortable right away. First, she showed us a map of Brent's chromosomes which are normal. Then, she showed us a map of my chromosomes. One pair of my chromosomes (14) is incomplete, but the missing part is attached to another chromosome (13). It's so weird! I never knew anything like this could happen. The reason this abnormality does not affect me is because my body balances everything out on it's own (hence the "balanced" Robertsonian translocation). The problem comes in when we conceive a child. If the chromosomes are not lined up correctly ("unbalanced" Robertsonian translocation), then a fetus cannot live past the first trimester because of all the defects that are present. Thus, the most probable reason why I have had four miscarriages, all within the first trimester.

Obviously, my chromosomes can line up correctly with Brent's, though. This is why we have Chandler. If you ask me, it is totally a God thing! He gave us Chandler at just the right time that he wanted us to have him, and I am so thankful that he did. He is a precious light in my life, and I am ever thankful for him.

In the long run, we were given the green light to try for more children if we desire to do so. The catch? It's like rolling a dice. It is probable that I will have more miscarriages, but is is also probable, that with enough tries, we can have another child of our own. Will we keep trying forever? I don't think so. Will be try at least one more time? If you know me, then you know the answer is yes. I am not going to give up that easily.

My main desire is to please God with the choices I make, and right now we are going to lean on him for the answers to the questions we have. Like my doctor said today at my yearly exam (the same doctor mentioned above who has been with us each time we faced miscarriage), God knows what He is doing, even when we don't completely understand, and that is enough for me.

Thankful Thursday

There are always so many things to be thankful for. Here are a few things on my list. When you're finished here, make sure you hop on over to Julia's page so you can link up, too!

1) Spring Break

It has been a glorious week away from work! If you are not in the field of education, you have no idea how important this week is for a teacher's sanity. God knew I needed this right now, and to top it all off, He has provided some beautiful sunny days to go with it.

2) A Trip to the Zoo

On one of the beautiful days this week, Brent and I took Chandler to the zoo for the first time. We all had a blast! Some of our favorites were the gorillas, orangutans, and giraffes. Chandler also loved the Reptile House. I guess he's all boy!

3) Sleeping Late and Taking Naps

Sleeping late just isn't in the schedule when you have to be at work at 7:30 a.m., and there's usually no time for naps, either (for the adults anyway), but this week I have been enjoying both. Hopefully I'm making up for lost time!

4) Just Being at Home

Although going on trips and having busy schedules are fun and sometimes necessary, it's also nice to have some down time without having to be somewhere at a certain time. There really is no place like home, and I am thankful for mine.

A Day at the Zoo

We've been wanting to take Chandler to the zoo for a while, and since it's Spring Break for me this week, we decided to head to Zoo Atlanta today.

The weather was perfect, and we had a blast introducing Chandler to a few of God's unique creations.

The Orangutans, Reptile House, and Giraffes were a few of our favorites.

Chandler even had his first Carousel ride. He laughed almost the entire time, and when I got out the camera he said, "cheese!".

Before leaving, we purchased him a cute little tiger because I just couldn't resist, and he and his new buddy were asleep within minutes of leaving the park.

Today, we created some memories together that I will cherish more many years to come. It was nice to get out and have fun with my boys!

Miscellany Monday

I cooked supper for my boys and prepared to head out the door for my Bible Study fellowship. That's when I heard it...Brent praying over the food with Chandler. It melted my heart. I am so thankful for our son and the privilege that Brent and I have of raising him to know Christ.

Saturday

It's my favorite day of the week for many reasons, and this beautiful weather made me love it even more! This morning I opened up the blinds to let some sunshine in and got some laundry and cleaning done while Brent mowed the lawn. A little later, while Chandler napped, we worked on pulling some of the weeds in our front walkway and flowerbed. I even got inspired to sweep out the garage!

Then we ate yummy leftovers for lunch and got ready to go hiking with our friends David and Julie around Lake Russell. It was a lot of fun, and Chandler loved it just as much as we did! After our hike, we got a special treat...a beautiful rainbow in the sky!

Thankful Thursday

It's been a while since I linked up with Julia, but today is the perfect day to do so. There are lots of things to be thankful for!

* Teacher Workday Tomorrow!
Okay, so technically, I do still have to work, but I can do some of those "behind the scenes" things that are difficult to complete in a regular school day when students are present. My planning time is only 50 minutes on paper, and less than that in reality, so big projects have to get done either after school, at home, or during work days. I have a lot of things on my To-Do list for tomorrow, and I'm actually excited about getting them done! Oh, and I get to sleep about 45 minutes later than usual, which is good since I'm totally late on getting to bed tonight!

* Tax Return!
It just came in, and we have big plans on how to use it. First and foremost, we are tithing and giving an offering to our church. After all, God is the one who has provided for us! Then we are putting a hefty amount toward our car payment and another hefty amount into savings. Some of it will go to medical bills just because we've had a lot of those lately, and some of it will go for things Chandler needs now that he's growing like a weed.

* Consignment Sale!
I found some super cute outfits on the cheap for Chandler, and one of them is probably going to be his Easter outfit if the weather cooperates.

* Beautiful Weather!
Speaking of weather, isn't it just beautiful lately? I've loving it, and so is my outdoor-loving little boy. He's been getting a lot more baths lately, for sure.

* Weekend Plans!
Hopefully the beautiful weather will stick around so we can go hiking with friends this Saturday. If not, I know we'll find something else to do, but I really am looking forward to being outside during this time of the year when everything is blooming.

* Game Night With Girl Friends!
It's always nice to get away with other women for a while for food, fun, and fellowship. Tonight was certainly no disappointment in any of these departments. We all got to catch up a little bit and share a few laughs.

* My Husband!
Okay, so he should have totally been at the top of this list, and not just because he was willing to take Chandler out on his own adventure while I was gone to game night. He really is a wonderful "partner in crime", and he's an awesome Daddy to our son.

Taking Advantage of a Beautiful Saturday

For the first time in several months, Brent was put on the schedule to work this weekend. Although this definitely changed what we were hoping to do today, I didn't feel like I could rightly complain because it has been so long since he has had to work on the weekend. It's a sacrifice that had to be made.

So, Chandler and I made the best of it. We went and had the oil changed in the car since it was time for it anyway, and he loved that they had bananas and a table with books and crayons in the waiting area. He enjoyed looking at the cars in the showroom as well. He loved climbing in and pretending to drive, and he was a hit with the salespeople. He really was super good while we were there, which made things so much easier for me.

We moved on to the mall, where we enjoyed some cheese pizza together, and I found a couple of cute dresses that were on sale. His favorite thing about this part of the trip was that he could do some people watching. It's one of his favorite pastimes for sure. I think he's related to my Granny!

After the mall, we headed to one of my favorite places- Target, to pick up a few necessities and then we headed home. Chandler was asleep in less than five minutes, and I was able to put him in his crib when we got home around 2:00 p.m. This allowed me some time to get a few things done around the house before I, too, settled in for a short nap.

After our naps, we again took advantage of the beautiful weather and went on a walk in the neighborhood. Chandler even got on his tricycle a little bit, but since he can't pedal yet, he soon lost interest and started playing with the rocks instead. When Daddy came outside, the boys hit some golf balls together. It looks like Daddy might have a golfing buddy soon!

Supper was one of my freezer meals from last weekend, and after some more playing, Chandler had his bath, and it was time for our nightly ritual of watching Curious George together. Overall, today was a great day, and I am thankful for the time I got to spend with my sweet little boy.